The Consulting Go-Getting Buckinghams: Marcus and Jane

Marcus and Jane Buckingham are gurus at dispensing advice on how to improve your life.  They are both master consultants and happened to be married to each other.  Somehow, I don't imagine that they spend a lot of time slothing away on the couch...

Marcus Buckingham.

You may not have heard of Marcus Buckingham, but you have seen his books. His first New York Times best seller was First, Break All the Rules in 1999, which he subsequently followed up with titles such as Now, Discover Your Strengths and Go Put Your Strengths to Work, which I am currently reading.

Building on his successful books, speaker engagements and consulting efforts, he started The Marcus Buckingham Company where he focuses on the maxim that "rules must be broken and discarded because they stifle the originality and uniqueness — the strengths — that can enable all of us to achieve our highest performance." 

A Brit, Marcus graduated from Cambridge University and started his career doing research for employers about improving employee performance. He has limited practical experience in the corporate environment that he consults about, and builds support for his message by conducting interviews and research.  Like I said, master consultant.

Jane Buckingham.

Jane Buckingham also consults.  Her specialty is generational attitudes, and companies pay her to tell them how they should market to different generations. 

She was a host of The Modern Girl's Guide to Life TV show on the Style Network and parlayed her modern girlness into three books: The Modern Girls Guide to Life, The Modern Girls Guide to Motherhood and The Modern Girls Guide to Sticky Situations.

Jane's first book was Teens Speak Out, which she wrote when she was 16.  So Marcus may have beaten her to the best seller list, but she beat him to getting published.

As part of any respectable couple replete with matching companies, Jane founded Trendera, a consumer insight, trend forecasting and multimedia consulting company. 

She is also a contributing editor to Cosmopolitan magazine and the The Huffington Post, and does appearances on Good Morning America and The View where she covers general subjects such as gift-giving and trends.  Like I said (again), master consultant.

The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes, 2011 (recommend)

Elevator Pitch Summary: This is a powerful story of a man in his youth and later years packed into 163 pages.  The story is elegantly told, unfolds at a good pace and has an interesting twist at the end. A Booker Prize winner, I recommend this book.

Read this if you're in the mood for: A well written book that will make you think about your life and actions, and whether you're average as the protagonist concludes himself to be. A book that will increase your vocabulary.  (Books by English authors tend to do that.) 

A core theme of the book is time as it lays out the life of a man.  It notes how deceptive and misleading time can be, putting into perspective one's memories and past.

The novel begins with the protagonist, Tony Webster, as a teenage and the circle of friends that he falls into.  These chapters are funny and contain insightful observations about youth that Barnes is so good at identifying and capturing.

For example, a young Webster observes that "[o]n our behalf they [parents] dreaded the closeness of adolescent friendship, the predatory behavior of strangers on trains, the lure of the wrong kind of girl.  How far their anxieties outran our experience."

The boys go off to university and Tony gets a girlfriend, who becomes a central character in the book.

He remains in touch with his childhood friends, but he and his mates end up taking different paths in life and losing touch until he hears the sad news that one of his friends has taken his own life.

Fast forward forty years or so, and Webster is a divorced father who receives news that brings back memories from the past and the mysterious circumstances surrounding his friend's suicide.

He begins reminiscing about the past, and out of loneliness or curiosity or something else or both, he is drawn to reconnecting with his past and uncovering the mystery around his friend's suicide decades ago.

Digging into the past and uncovering the truth is where the twist comes in and the protagonist realizes the impact of his actions over the course of the years.

What I Know Now About Success: Letters from Extraordinary Women to Their Younger Selves by Ellyn Spragins, 2011 (perused)

The book came to my attention because I read somewhere (ok, People Mag) that Taylor Swift was reading it.  Given the title, it seemed like it had a lot of promise, especially since I was in a here's-to-a-better-me! state of mind at the end of 2011.

The concept is excellent.  Successful women pen letters to their younger selves and share wisdom that they have gleaned over the years. 

Unfortunately, the title is the most inspiring part of the book.

The letters are brief, and lack substance or any real profound insight.  Part of the problem is that the letters are addressed to a younger self regarding specific situations, which limited the scope of the letters.

Before each letter, there is a short bio of the extraordinary women, which I found to be more interesting than the letters themselves. 

That said, I definitely perused this book.  The quotes that I did jot down (surprise, surprise) echo messages of finding your passions and being true to yourself: 

"You cannot come into your power until you live a life that is 100 percent authentic." 

- Suzy Orman, Personal Finance Author

"True success means accepting yourself as you are." 

- Suzanne Somers, (Former? - I have not seen her in anything in a long while) Actress

"Success is being coherent with who you are." 

- Diane Von Furstenbuerg, Fashion Designer

*********************

Kate Spade - What style!

On a random not, I love designer Kate Spade's outfit in the photo that is used in the book.  I love the sweater and blouse - her style is impeccable.  It's classic that is done so perfectly, that it's modern.

And, to share knowledge gleaned from my gossip mags reading, David Spade is her brother-in-law.  A fact that she did not mention in her letter, so I thought I would share.

End of 2011 Reads - Notice A Pattern?

I'm not sure if I fully realized what I was doing, but apparently, I had an "improve my life" moment at the end of 2011.  Or, at minimum, a "read about improving my life" moment.

The last two books that I read in 2011 are:

1. A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life by Bethenny Frankel with Eve Adamson, 2011 => Recommend

2. Start Something That Matters by Blake Mycoskie, 2011

Bethenny Frankel was one of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City and founded the Skinnygirls Cocktails.  She is a hustler, a serial entrepreneur who grabs every opportunity she can to get her name and/or products out there.  I say this with admiration as I am the opposite and wish I was a bit more aggressive and more of a risk taker. 

Blake Mycoskie is the founder of TOMS (shoes pictured to the right), which promises to give a child in need a new pair of shoes for every shoe purchased.  

The shoe is the Argentinian version of the flip-flop - inexpensive shoes worn by peasants and city dwellers, worn in the field and in 'da clubs. 

With the plainest shoe priced at $44, it's an affordable shoe that has become trendy and appears on the pages of US Magazines on socially conscious celebrities - well, as socially conscious as celebrities can be living in their multimillion dollar homes.

Interestingly enough, Mycoskie also appeared in The Amazing Race (one of the few shoes - I mean shows! - that I watch) and finished second.  So it's the end of 2011 and I'm getting self-help advice from realty stars...  Sigh.  A (sad) sign of the times.

Start Something That Matters: Know Your Passion, Know Your Story

Writing about the books together makes sense since they carry similar themes that emphasizes slightly different messages.  Mycoskie's book emphasizes finding your passion and uncovering your story.

The book/movement also has a website.

"When you live your story, you don't have to pretend you're someone you're not," Mycoskie writes.  "You can just be yourself."

Similar to a company's Mission Statement, your story helps to remind you who you are, which can be easy to lose sight of given all the things that are happening to and around us on any given day.

Mycoskie found success by following his passion for traveling and helping the less fortunate.  Hearing his story makes me wonder what I am passionate about and what my story is. 

I do have passions for reading and writing, thus this blog.  But, is that it?  I'm well into my 30s and am embarrassed to say that I have not had enough self-reflection or serious thinking to know what I am passionate about or what I want to do with my life.

Mycoskie's adventures starting TOMS are interesting, but I had trouble finishing the book.  In addition to stories about starting TOMS, the book also contains business advice that I found to be a mixed bag.

For example, he talks about how micromanagement is "effectively telling people that you don't trust their judgment and that unless you're personally involved in every detail, the project won't get done right.  That attitude hardy inspires confidence."

This is spot-on insight and unfortunately, I know that sometimes I micromanage and realize that I really do need to stop.  Other advice, such as reusing business cards to save money and to show potential partners who you've been talking to - not so helpful.

Instead of reading the book, Google "TOMS" or "Blake Mycoskie" and read a good magazine article about the company or profile about Mycoskie since he is an interesting and impressive guy.

A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life by Bethenny Frankel with Eve Adamson, 2011 => Recommend

Bethenny Frankel.  Read her book!

Echoing all messages that can be found in self-help books, Frankel talks about the importance of finding your passion and being true to yourself.  She talks about the importance of ignoring self-doubt, which she refers to as "noise".

I really enjoyed Frankel's book and have already recommended it to three friends.  She mixes her self-help lessons with anecdotes from her life, and she has some good stories to tell.

The book reads like a biography with the added bonus of having basic self-help messages that are always good to have reiterated mixed in.

What I like most about the book is that she starts off by telling you that yes, you need to follow your passion (similar to Mycoskie's message) and be true to yourself, but that she is not a mind-reader who is going to be able to tell you who your true self is through her book.  You need to figure this out on your own.

Her message resonates with me since I'm at a loss when it comes to my passion and what I want my story, or mission statement, to be.  Reading A Place of Yes made me realize that I need to figure out my story and focus on achieving that story. 

I need to buckle down and to listen to myself, figure out my passions, write my story, and work on putting my story in place.  No more dilly-dallying; it's time for me to have a little more focus in my life if I want to achieve my full potential.

This is why I like Frankel's book - unlike other self-help books that I've read, her stories have made me really think about things and to take action.  And I hope this desire to figure out my story does not last for just a few weeks before I revert back to my more complacent, less focused ways, but that it leads to meaningful change.

As I write this, I realize that although I have thought about my story and passions, I still have yet to define my mission statement.  As a deadline-focused person, I am giving myself to to the end of January to figure out my passions, story and mission statement.

The Rules for World Domination...or, Just Getting Everything You Want Out of Life, which could be World Domination

The following are Frankel's 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life.  I know, it's a lot of rules, so it's not surprising that the book is 336 pages.

However, the book goes by quickly and I never felt like I was checking to see how many pages I had left.

1. Break the Chain
With each experience, you have the power to determine what you want to take with you, and what you want to leave behind. Remind yourself: Take it or leave it.

By making a conscious effort to leave behind the bad, you will break the chain of bad habits, bad relationships, bad decisions, and so on. 

2. Find Your Truth
Know thyself.  Similar to Mycoskie's message, know your passions and figure out your story.  This is your homework - there are no free rides to a better you.

3. Act on It
This is self-explanatory.  However, beware that "[f]ocus noise can convince you that you have to have all the details worked out in advance," Frankel writes, "but you don't."

Frankel also talks about "future noise" where you can become so preoccupied with what might happen that you forget about today.  So ignore the noise and get working on your story.

4. Everything's Your Business
Treat everything you do seriously and when you are doing something, be completely present.  Also, instead of thinking about the things that you can't do, focus on the things that you can do.

5. All Roads Lead to Rome
Go with your passions and do your best.  If you do this, you can't go wrong.  At the same time, recognize that you may have to change course and sometimes it doesn't make sense to keep hitting that brick wall.  Things change, whether it's your passion, circumstance or environment, so be open to change.

6. Go For Yours
It is time to be honest about what you want, and to start getting it.  "I don't know if people are afraid of effort or failure or embarrassed if they say they want something and don't end up getting it...," Frankel writes.

This resonates with me since sometimes I find myself not admitting what I want (whether it's a promotion or which restaurant I want to eat at) because I feel a little selfish when I do.

Also, you need to focus on yourself, and not what everyone else around you is doing.  There is always going to be someone more successful, more intelligent, more passionate than you, and focusing on these people will only distract you.  Go for yours, not someone else's.

7. Separate From the Pack
Embrace your real, authentic self.  This is easier said than done sometimes, but the more you are your authentic self, the better you will feel about yourself.

Frankel talks about "image noise" that prevents you from being yourself as it makes you act in anticipation of what others will say or think.  When you let this noise get in the way, you are more concerned about your image, which is not real, rather than yourself, which is.

8. Own It
Fully acknowledge who you really are and your actions.  If you feel a certain way, be honest about your feelings, even if you think you are being selfish.  Owning it is about being truthful and not pretending to be someone that you are not.

You don't have to be 100% sure of something to own it, you just have to stand behind and be accountable for your actions.

9. Come Together
Before coming together with someone else, you need to be true to yourself.  This is standard advice, but the next piece of advice really resonates with me.  Frankel talks about "normal noise", which will make you tell someone that what they are doing is not normal, which implies that what they are doing is not right.

Normal noise prevents people from coming together in a meaningful way as there is no objective normal and people have to find their own normal.  A warning sign of normal noise is if you use the word "should" a lot.

10. Celebrate!
Celebrate what you want more of!  Celebrate the wonderful parts of your life, or even the decent parts!  Celebrate finding a parking spot right in front of the restaurant that you are going to!  If you are not enjoying life, then what's the point?!  (I call this the exclamation mark rule!)

Julian Barnes: Pulse and The Sense of an Ending, Booker Prize Winner

Julian Barnes, who collected a cool £50,000
for winning the Booker Prize

I am currently reading The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes, 2011.  Claim to Fame: 2011 winner of the Man Booker Prize.*

The first Julian Barnes book that I read was Pulse (also published in 2011), which I picked up at the library because I kept seeing it on the recently returned cart.

Pulse is a collection of short stories. I typically do not read short stories, but really enjoyed the book.

Barnes writes dialog and human emotions so well, and his writing is quite witty.  This is partly due to his acute observations of nonsensical idiosyncrasies that we all have.

Let's face it, we humans are funny without meaning to be.
 
* As a side note - I was aware that the Booker Prize was a prestigious award for writers, but not familiar with the details of the award, so did some research.

The Booker Prize is awarded to the best novel by a citizen of the UK Commonwealth or Republic of Ireland.  I had no idea...  It's so limiting, yet deigns to include lowly colonies.

In 2008, Indian author Aravind Adiga won the prize for The White Tiger, which I highly recommend.  Not only is it superbly written, but also provides a view into a fascinating culture.

Enabling My Habit - The Library

I adore the public library.  It is not just a place to get an overdose supply worth of books, but also movies. What is that you say?  Why, yes, I have heard of Amazon and Netflix, but nothing beats the library when it comes to value.

The library has saved me hundreds of dollars and provided me with a clutter free peace of mind.  And yes, I have heard of eBooks, but I am still a stalwart when it comes to the incomparable feeling of holding a physical book, turning pages and closing the book after a satisfying read.

For me, pushing buttons, touching screens and turning dials seem like a cold way to interact with a book.  Speaking of which, the library does offer eBooks (as well as audio books) for you cold-hearted folks out there.  

Cambridge Public Library (2009). 
If Apple sold libraries, I bet this is what they would produce.

There are no limits to the number of books that you can reserve at the library - at least I have yet to hit it. Books can also be renewed online if no one else is requesting the item.  If I happen to return a book late, the fine is a very economical dime a day.  And yes, people still use dimes.

In addition to books, you can reserve movies.  And not just dull documentaries from the 1970s, but also recent releases.  Once a movie is released on DVD, it'll hit the library shelves soon after.  My friends are often surprised by this.

To determine what to add to my reading list, I rely on friends and book reviews - from the New York Times to People Magazine.  Yes, the celebrity gossip magazine.  What can I say, I have varied interests.  I note books of interests, and then sign onto the library's online catalog to reserve the desired titles.

Sometimes I have trouble finding a certain title using the library website's Search feature, so I go to Amazon to find the exact title and/or author name to plug into the library website's Search box.


**Some Stats**

People Who Are Now Believers in the Public Library Because of Me:    at least 4

People Who Think I Am Adorable (Some Say Anachronistic) For Using the Public Library:    at least 40

How it All Began - My Two Great Loves & the 34 Books I read in 2011

I started keeping track of books that I read last year.  I read a lot and when friends asked for recommendations, I would not be able to remember so many of the great books that I had read.
 
So, I decided to combine my two great loves - my love of reading and my love of lists (yes, I'm that Type-A type of person) - and start keeping track of, well, books that I've read.

What I am realizing is that my reading history provides an interesting time line of my life in regards to what I happen to be reading and why, at that moment in time, I felt compelled to read a certain book.  Take that Facebook!

Below is the list of books that I read in 2011 in descending chronological order.  The format is simple:  Title by Author, Publish Date.

For the last two books that I read in 2011, I decided to dedicate a separate post to the books since my last two books of 2011 ended up being interesting selections...

**************
1. Eighteen Acres by Nicole Wallace, 2010 => Recommend
This book was a shout-out to my days when I lived in DC and was a bit obsessed with politics like most people there tend to be.

2. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) by Mindy Kaling, 2011 

3. An Invisible Thread: The True Story of an 11-Year-Old Panhandler, a Busy Sales Executive, and an Unlikely Meeting With Destiny by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski, 2011 => Recommend

The boy in the story grows up never sitting at a table to eat and wondering how he is to make it to school on time when there are no clocks at home.  He never realizes that there is another way of life until Schroff introduces him to her world. 

4. Summer Rental by Mary Kay Andrews, 2011 => Recommend
This is a good beach read candidate. Sure, there are predictable story lines, but at least the story moved and there are multiple plot lines, and not just a story about a whiny, yet sparkling, heroine.  Apparently, whining translates to scintillating if a woman wears a cute outfit.

5. Pulse by Julian Barnes, 2011 => Recommend
My introduction to an amazing author.  He captures people, reality and complex relationships so incredibly well.

6. It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel, 2011

7. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, 2010 => Recommend

8. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins, 2009 => Recommend

9. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, 2009 => Recommend
I picked this up for my plane ride to China in October.  I wanted a quick, easy, page-turner to survive the 14 hour flight.  My friend Greg recommended Game of Thrones, and I got Hunger Games out of it.  Don't ask - that's just how my mind works. 

10. This is a Book by Demetri Martin, 2011 => Recommend
A funny, talented comedian with a very creative book - there are hilarious charts, imaginative use of words.  A potpourri of funny. 

11. Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close, 2011 => Recommend

12. Kosher Chinese: Living, Teaching, and Eating with China's Other Billion by Michale Levy, 2011

13. The Paris Wife by Paula McLain, 2011 => Recommend
A good movie to see after reading this book is Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris. 

14. Scandalous Woman: The Lives and Loves of History's Most Notorious Women by Elizabeth Kerri Mahon, 2001 
This is one of the perused books...

15. Smart Medicine: How the Changing Role of Doctors Will Revolutionize Health Care by William Hanson, M.D., 2011
I read this for work since I had recently started a new job in the health industry.  Starting a new job is like starting a new relationship.  In the beginning, you're so excited by the newness and want to find out everything you can.  Then, the excitement wears off and things turn to a need to know basis. 

16. Bloodmoney: A Novel of Espionage by David Ignatius, 2011
Not my genre, but I tried. 

17. Something Blue by Emily Giffin, 2005 => Recommend
My friend Danielle recommended this ages ago, and I had no interest in reading chick lit back then.  I was young and naive.  I've come to realize that a lot of chick lit books are extremely well written, and not just filled with whiny, sparkling girls (see #4). 

18. Bossypants by Tina Fey, 2011 => Recommend
Fey manages to be funny, very funny, while making astute observations that makes you think without any hint of preaching.

19. Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography by Rob Lowe, 2011 => Recommend
You know how in LinkedIn or Facebook, you are surprised to see people you know who also know someone else you know?  Like we don't know that we travel in small circles?  That's like Lowe growing up in the industry - there are so many random Hollywood people he has come into contact with during his career.

Most impressively, I don't believe he used a ghostwriter to write this book.  An example of how looks will get you only so far (like dating a Princess), but it's the smarts that keeps you there (like writing a book).  Wait, what was my point again?

20. Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose by Tony Hsieh, 2010
Hsieh is the CEO of Zappos and the man who drove its success.  So if you are like my friend Rachael and spend $700 on five different pairs of shoes so that you can determine the one that you want and return the rest, than you may be interested in reading about the Zappos way. 

21. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler, 2010 => Recommend
I've read all her books.  If you're looking for someone similar to read, try David Sedaris.  His books are hilarious and like Handler, draws material from his family and happenings in life.

22. Mao's Last Dancer by Cunxin Li, 2008

23. The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman, 2011 => Recommend
Amazing book.  I loved this book, especially since I worked in the newspaper industry and it's nice to read a book that takes place in the good ol' fashioned world of newspapers.

24. A Lost Lady by Willa Cather, 1923 => Recommend
I never read Cather in high school, and definitely missed out.  Thanks a lot, Mr. Williams.

25. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen, 2007 => Recommend

26. A Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating: How to Convince, Collaborate and Create Your Way to Agreement by Lee Miller and Jessica Miller, Second Edition 2010 => Recommend
This was before I accepted the position at the aforementioned health care industry (see #15) and had recieved two offers.  The basic rule of negotiating: Just Ask.

Sadly, I'm still working on this...  Even more sadly, a male co-worker who just graduated from college does a better job negotiating job offers than I do. 

27. Little Bee by Chris Cleave, 2009 => Recommend

28. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier by Michael Chabon, 2000 => Recommend
A long, dense read, but worth it.

29. The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferris, Expanded and Updated Edition 2009

30. Interpreter of the Maladies: Stories by Jhumpa Lahiri, 1999 => Recommend

31. Freedom by Jonathan Franzen, 2010 => Recommend
Franzen is one of my favorite authors.  

32. After the Workshop: A Memoir by Jack Hercules Sheahan by John McNally, 2010
As someone who has always been interested in writing (but too practical to pursue), the prestigious Writers' Workshop program at Iowa has always intrigued me.

33. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, 2010 => Recommend

34. Room by Emma Donoghue, 2010
Not the best written book, but what it lacks in finesse, it makes up for it in creativity.  The book is told from the point of view of a child who grows up being held captive with his mother in a room, resulting in a wapred sense of "reality".  Similar to the real-life story of the boy in #3, who does not know any other reality than the reality he grows up in.