Blasphemy by Alexis Sherman, 2012

Blasphemy is a collection of previously published and new short stories from Sherman Alexie which depict Native American culture, struggles and experiences.

Unlike other groups that have assimilated in America (e.g. Chinese, African, Jewish), Native Americans are separated geographically on reservations and culturally given the history of the "founding" of the United States.

Included in Alexie's stories are tales about an encounter with a man who earns a living by traveling to different reservations to fight, students transitioning to college life with the added adjustment of living off their reservation, and a man dealing with his father's death.

Whether a subtle or a crucial part of the narrative, the short stories are all from a Native American point of view.  A common theme throughout each story is identity, with characters navigating life while grappling with what it means to be Native American.

Despite the lack of assimilation, many tribal traditions seem to be disappearing, leading to this struggle with identity.

Also contributing to this struggle is the poverty and poverty's children - violence, dead end situations, alcoholism - which are prevalent on reservations.  The violence especially makes for tough reading, but the depictions are honest rather than gratutitous. 

Some of the stories are captivating while others are more tedious, but since the mood and tone of the stories are a bit depressing, I decided to take a hiatus and start another book.

Miscellaneous Notes
My interest in this book was sparked by an exhibit on the Innu Nation of Canada where children were encouraged to document their life after the community had been forced to relocate.

Included in the exhibit were Facebook postings, which makes me wonder how the internet will impact a culture already facing so many challenges and struggling to define their identity.

One final note is that The New York Times released their 100 Notable Books of 2012 today, and Blasphemy made the list.

The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach, 2011

One of The New York Times's Top 10 books of 2011, The Art of Fielding is a coming of age story set in the Midwest.

The story centers around a gifted baseball player, Henry Skrimshander, whom fellow baseball player Mike Schwartz mentors, pushes and transforms.

Seemingly destined to spend his life in his small South Dakotan hometown, Skrimshander finds himself enrolled in a small Wisconsin private college where Schwartz is the baseball team captain.

The story includes three other characters whose lives are interwoven as Skrimshander reaches his peak and then falls from grace.

The title, The Art of Fielding, refers to a book that Skrimshander treats as his bible and is so convincingly described and quoted, that I believed it to be an actual book.

The characters are engaging and by the final few chapters, the tension was so high that I couldn't stop reading.  The story lines and characters were never confusing and it was easy to relate to each of the main characters.

Having attended a small college and befriended some of the athletes, the characters and observations ring true as well.

That said, the book did not meet my expectations given its distinction as one of the Top 10 and Top 5 Fiction books of 2011.

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton, 1911

A story of despair and bleakness, Ethan Frome is typical of an Edith Wharton novel where her characters are trapped in their lives while tantalizingly close to what they crave.

The typical backdrop for Wharton's novels is opulent New York society.  To further compound her characters' despair though, Wharton sets Ethan Frome in Starkfield, a small western Massachusetts town during the winter.

The novel revolves around Frome, who is forced to return to Starkfield from his studies after his father has a farming accident.  He then enters into a loveless marriage with his sickly wife, Zeena.

He is awakened when he becomes enthralled with Mattie, Zeena's cousin who comes to stays with them. 

Typical of a Wharton novel, Frome is provided a taste of an educated man's life and a taste of happiness with Mattie, but ultimately, is prevented from having what he craves.

Wharton is one of my favorite authors and conveys human longing so well.  What is fascinating about Ethan Frome is how the Starkfield winters blends in with the bleakness of her characters' lives and becomes as memorable as any of her characters.

A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life by Bethenny Frankel with Eve Adamson, 2011

I rarely re-read books, but Bethenny Frankel's A Place of Yes really resonated with me so I decided to read it again.  I think part of it has to do with all the uncertainty happening in my life between tearing my ACL and interviewing (but not getting any offers) for positions that I was pretty excited about.

Reading A Place of Yes a second time around, I realized that a large part of this book is about self-promotion.

Frankel talks about her desire to have a talk show, which she has since filmed a few episodes of, and at times awkwardly proclaims how she cares about you, the reader and how her goal is to help you, the reader.

And, wouldn't a great path to helping you, the reader, be a talk show??

Disregarding my cynicism, I did flag a few quotes that I wanted to circle back and re-read to remind myself of things that I want to focus my short-term memory on remembering:

Break the Chain: "When you focus on the bad, you risk becoming the bad, or getting pulled down by the bad.  When you say yes to the good in you, then you become better and better, and you have the potential to go anywhere and do and be anything...

Take it or leave it.  Your natural talents and dreams have been there all along, so look inside to find them, not the world to fix you."

Find Your Truth: "When you know who you are and what you want, you'll be more confident, even if you don't always know exactly what the outcome of a decision will be.  When your decisions, your actions, and your words come from truth - even if it's only the truth of the moment - then you will be preaching authenticity."

"It's not always easy to act out of truth, especially when you aren't sure exactly what your truth is..."

"You are on your own journey, and more than anything else, that journey must be about finding your truth.  Not finding a husband, a boyfriend, a partner - but finding yourself.  Shine the flashlight into those dark places you haven't wanted to face before.  Face up to your qualities - all of them.  Look at your patterns.  Analyze them.

Only by looking back over your past relationships and deconstructing the nose that's led you in the wrong direction will you discover your strengths, your desires, the things you really need from a partner, and the things you really can do for yourself.

You'll find truth, and then you'll be able to take your life to the next level."

Act on It: "Making things happen for yourself is how you gain the experience that will help you continue to practice rule #2, find your truth.  The more you do, the more you act, the more you learn about your truth, refining and perfecting it."

"Find your truth, act on it.  Find more truth, act on it.  Find still more truth, act on it, and so on."

"...Make acting on it your habit, your default mode.  Just get out there and start working and learning and doing.  Start your life.

It doesn't matter if you don't have the perfect job, or even the job you deserve...  It doesn't even matter if you really don't have a plan.  Welcome to the world - what matters is that you are doing something, working for something, proving yourself, gaining experience."

Go for Yours: "I don't get it.  You can have what you want.  I don't know if people are afraid of effort or failure or are embarrassed if they say they want something and don't end up getting it."

"When you go for yours, you are in control, whereas, when you start listening to desperation noise, you lose all control.  When being driven turns into being desperate, you've got to take a step back."

"'Your opponent is yourself, your negative internal voices, your level of determination.'  ...You have to stay in your lane.  If you keep looking to the left and to the right to see what everyone else is doing, you slow down and lose your momentum...  [I]f you keep your mind on you and not on anybody else, you stay focused and efficient...  It's all about you."

Come Together: "When I was able to get out of my own head and look at what my partner was doing, suddenly I could see, with so much more clarity, how to respond to him."

"When you come together and work together in a mutual give-and-take way, rather than simply working side by side, then everything changes.  You make each other better, you are stronger..."

"If someone loves you, it's so important to love them, and make time for them, and give them what they need, and let them love you back.  Coming together is a give-and-take of equal proportion.  There will always be ebb and flow...But in a relationship of equals, of two whole people, it all evens out in the end. 

So give all your love and don't be stingy.  Don't hold any in reserve...  Let it go.  It will all come back to you, and you'll find a whole new level of meaning in your life.  The more you give, the more you have to give . . . and the more you get."

Celebrate: "Make the most of every moment.  Get excited about every little thing.  Why not?  Why not have your wonderful moment of excited anticipation?  Why not be happy now?"

'Life is precious.  Love is precious.  Celebrate the many good things you have..."

Seeing the Big Picture by Kevin Cope, 2012

I had written a post of Seeing the Big Picture: Business Acumen to Build Your Credibility, Career, and Company, and lost the post.

So sad - it was a great post.

The essence of what I had written is that Cope's book is a clear, concise summary of the five key business factors that executives across industries and countries consider to ensure success: Cash, Profit, Assets, Growth, and the underlying driver, People.

The book also provides an excellent summary of the three key Financial Statements that are used to evaluate and measure companies: Income Statement, Balance Sheet and Statement of Cash Flows. 

Seeing the Big Picture uses a case study of a Cycle Shop to simplify concepts and demonstrate how business decisions are translated into Financial Statements.

I wish I had this book in Business School as it provides simple, illustrative examples to explain definitions and equations that I had memorized, but now truly understand with the help of this book.

Although part of this understanding has to do with maturity as I now focus more on understanding versus memorizing.

My lost post included a summary of a study from Marcus Buckingham's First, Break All The Rules (1) that showed the main reason people leave their jobs is their relationship with their manager.

People want to feel valued, receive regular praise, be rewarded for their efforts, included in decision making, and feel that they are contributing to a clear vision.

Another take-away that resonates with me on a profession and personal level is:

"As you grow..., you'll need to stretch yourself, move outside your comfort zone.  It can be challenging to find the time and energy, but the rewards will be worth it.

I challenge you to move forward with a commitment to do it.

In pursuing your personal or business objectives, you must never omit the hard work of preparation.

An admiring audience member said to the virtuoso concert pianist, 'I'd give my life to play like that.'  The predictable response: 'I have.'"

(1) I have not read First, Break All The Rules, but have read Buckingham's Go Put Your Strengths to Work.

Big Book of Knitting, a book for perusing

If you want to learn to knit, or improve your knitting, I found that supplementing a book with videos helps immensely.  There are a ton of videos online so that you can watch someone doing what you want to do (e.g. casting on, switching yarn color, etc) while using a book for reference so that you learn the technique and terms.    

1. Big Book of Knitting by Katharina Buss, English Edition 1999 - a book I peruse

I've referenced this book multiple times during my on-and-off obsession with becoming a better knitter.  This book contains the basics, including advanced concepts (i.e.stitches).  Diagrams and pictures are included, but the instructions are not the clearest.

This may be because the original edition was in German and Americans need better instructions.  Or, more importantly, for someone to point out what not to do and common errors when trying a new stitch.

Below are some lessons learned from my knitting ventures:

Ribbed Stitch - The book does not tell you this, but when you switch from a purl to knit stitch, you need to make sure the yarn is behind the lead needle.  And, when you switch from a knit to a purl stitch, the yarn needs to be in front of the lead needed.

Blocking - When you knit, an item tends to curl in so Blocking an item basically means straightening or flattening an item so that it does not curl.  Make sure that the item is thoroughly wet.  I was afraid of ruining my item so would only halfheartedly dampen an item before blocking.  (Caveat - if you use expensive yarns, which I do not, thoroughly wetting an item may ruin an item, so check the label.)

My cousin Christina uses pin to pin the wet item flat and leaves it overnight until the item drives.  And voila - straightened item!  Or, so she says since this has never worked for me...

I forgo the pins - partly because I am impatient and only know how to knit scarves, so that's a lot of pinning that I need to do.  So instead, I steam block and flatten a section of my scarf, put a pillowcase over it, wet the pillowcase pretty thoroughly with a spray bottle, and then iron over the pillowcase steaming the item underneath the pillow case.

Girl Walks into a Bar..., Rachel Dratch, 2012

I could not imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with Rachel Dratch after reading her memoir Girl Walks into a Bar...: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle.  She is funny, gracious and candid without the biting wit or dark side that many comediennes seem to have.

An odd pose..

There are many positive messages in her story, including the surprise of finding out that she is pregnant a month before her forty-forth birthday.

Incredibly honest about the situation, Dratch admits that she was not sure if the father would be involved as they were in a cross-country, non-committed relationship.

Dratch's candidness throughout her memoir makes you realize what a cool person she is and what a great outlook she has on life.

30 Rock
The memoir starts off with Dratch being recast in the television series 30 Rock as Hollywood tends to perceive her as a "woodland creature" or lesbian, versus a starlet, which the 30 Rock role required.

Despite the very public setback in her career, Dratch makes a point to defend the decision made by Tiny Fey (who also wrote a great memoir, Bossypants), the creator, star and producer of the show.

A very gracious and class act considering the barrage of negative questions that she endured as well as the lack of roles she was able to find after the incident.

Overnight Success in Ten Years!
A sub-title of one of her chapters, "Overnight Success in Ten Years!" provides a sense of the time she spent honing her craft before becoming one of the best and making it onto Saturday Night Live.

She refers to herself as Two-Time Dratch based on the number of times she never got called back on her first auditions, but would on her subsequent effort.

Her stories about Saturday Night Live, the origins of the character Debby Downer, the work week and then the celebrations afterward provide an insightful view and she even includes a handy Unofficial Guide to Being on SNL.

Part of Dratch's positive outlook on life ties into the biggnest rule of improv called "Yes And."  According to Dratch, "Basically, this means that whatever your scene partner says to you, you agree and then add to it...  "Yes And" would serve me well, not only on stage but offstage too."

Dating Crusade
With her career stalled, Dratch decides to focus on dating and provides humorous tales of the men she meets and dates, and the men she meets and thinks she's going to date before she walks into a bar and meets the man who would become her baby daddy.

Their relationship flourishes as she abides by the "Yes And" improve rule.  "[I]t was all because I had said yes...and didn't listen to some dumb rules in my head about convention and what you should do."

An (Obnoxious) Boston note: Dratch grew up in Lexington, MA, and attended Dartmouth.  Another Dartmouth alum from the Boston area and female comedienne with a recently released memoir is The Office's Mindy Kaling.

Kaling's memoir is titled Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?  (And Other Concerns) and although an enjoyable read, I thought Girl Walks into a Bar... and Tina Fey's Bossypants were more enjoyable.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An excerpt from a conversation between friend and comedienne Amy Poehler and Dratch about her book: 

Rachel: I wasn’t like, “Oh, I’m going to write a book,” it was more that I wasn’t really working much and I’d be pissed if I was wasting my time. I usually only start to write after rock-bottom periods, so I was sort of forced into it. And then about a year after that, the whole pregnancy happened, with all the crazy circumstances, so then it was this is now the real wacky story.

Amy: You started writing the book before you got pregnant?

Rachel: Yeah. So all the dating stories, I had written all those before I knew where the story was going. I wrote those as a single lady writing weird stories.

Shogun by James Clavell, 1975

Having fallen under the spell of Japan - the country, its people and its traditions - I have started Shogun by James Clavell.  At over 1,000 pages, this is no small undertaking and a commitment that will last throughout the summer.

The book is filled with details on the history and culture of Japan and tells of the tale of the rise of the real-life Shogun Tokugawa, who unified Japan.

The  novel delves into the political, religious and cultural landscape of 16th Century Japan when instability was on the rise with war imminent amongst the daimyo factions.

Adding to the instability was the influence of the Portuguese priests who were not only spreading Catholicism, but also enabling the lucrative trading routes between Japan and China.

Having visited Macao in 2011, I wish I had known about the history surrounding the Portuguese influence on Asia (particularly Macao, the Portuguese trading port) during my visit.

Despite how compelling Shogun is, I decided to take a respite after 300 pages, so this will be continued...

Shogun, Part (and Attempt) #2 a few weeks later in July

Like The Odyssey, Shogun is an enthralling epic adventure with battles, intricate plots and deception based on Japan's conflict-ridden history of feudalism, which was eventually stamped out by the peaceful rule of an all-empowering Emperor under the real-life Tokugawa.

In Shogun, the central character Toranga is based on Tokugawa, who claims and befriends the shipwrecked British pilot Blackthorne, whose point of view the story is told from.  Toranga is an impressive character who patiently orchestrates and implements the many plots that leads to his eventual success over the other daimyos.

The adventures and political maneuverings are too vast to summarize, but the web of complexity in defeating the daimyos who have rallied together to declare war on Toranga are much more impressive than the complex plots of modern day spy novels made easier with the advent of technological gadgets.

Japan 500 Years Ago and Today
Blackthorne's observations of 16th Century Japan hold true five centuries later and parallel my observations during my trip to Japan in May of this year.

Traditional outfits in modern day Kyoto, 2012.

Even today, patrons are expected to remove their shoes when entering a restaurant, and there are socks for flip flops or wooden shoes sold at dollar stores.

Streets are amazingly clean and litter-free, even the streets of Tokyo, which millions of people traverse daily.

Blackthorne, also known as Anjin-san ("anjin" meaning pilot and "san" being a sign of respect), did not take baths since the western world thought water carried diseases and illnesses.

Sticklers for cleanliness, Blackthorne's Japanese captors force him to take baths and it ends up being the one component of Japanese culture that he quickly adjusts to.

Public mineral baths are still common place, offered at many resorts and despite being required to go in completely naked, incredibly relaxing.  According to Blackthorne, "A bath is truly the gift of God."

Another differing aspect of western and eastern culture is diet.  The Japanese are appalled that Anjin-san eats peasant.

His response: "Your food's just as strange...the raw squid - white slimy, almost tasteless chewy meat with nothing but soya [sic] sauce to wash it down?  Or the chopped octopus tentacles, again raw, with cold rice and seaweed?"  Even today, such a simple dish can be found all over the place in Japan.

From a local restaurant in Matsumoto of the Japan Alps.

An aspect of Japanese tradition that Shogun highlighted is the role of the samurai in Japan's caste system.  Samurais were not just warriors, but also the ruling class with many privileges.

Only samurais were allowed to have names while non-samurais were known and called by what they did.  Also, only the children of samurais were allowed to go to school. 

Japanese Mentality and Zen-ness
As Blackthorne becomes immersed in Japanese culture, he begins to understand Japan and its people at a deeper level.  Their actions and formalities, even nonsensical ones, are to save face and not offend anyone, even one's enemies.

Consideration for others over oneself is tantamount even in a depraved environment like prison.  Blackthorne notes the consideration that others have for those who are sharing a common space.  Even today in Tokyo's packed metro, people are incredibly considerate and refrain from talking, and if they happen to be talking, they speak in hush voices.

Having such quietness turns out to be incredibly soothing and something I miss upon returning to the States, where everyone is so loud and it's difficult to be able to think once you leave your house.

Mariko, a female samurai who becomes Blackthorne's translator and eventual love interest, explains this to some extent when talking to Blackthorne, or Anjin-san:

   "You see, Anjin-san," she tells him when he started joking about the lack of privacy everywhere considering that people are always around and walls are made from paper, "here you have to learn to create your own privacy.  We're taught from childhood to disappear within ourselves, to grow impenetrable walls behind which we live.  If we couldn't, we'd all certainly go mad and kill each other ourselves."

   "What walls?"

Paper walls? How about windows. From my ryokin in Takayama.

   "Oh, we've a limitless maze to hide in, Anjin-san. Rituals and customs, taboos of all kinds, oh yes.

Even our language has nuances you don't have which allow us to avoid, politely, any questions if we don't want to answer it."

   "But how do you close your ears, Mariko-san?  That's impossible."

  "Oh, very easy, with training.  Of course, training begins as soon as a child can talk, so very soon it's second nature to us - how else would we survive?  First you begin by cleansing your mind of people, to put yourself on a different plan. Sunset watching is a great help or listening to the rain - Anjin-san, have you noticed the different sounds of rain?

If you really listen, then then the present vanishes, neh?  Listening to blossoms falling and to rocks growing are exceptionally good exercises. Of course, you're not suppose to see the things, they're only signs, messages to your hara, your center, to remind you of the transcience of life, to help you gain wa, harmony, Anjin-san, perfect harmony, which is the most sought-after quality in all Japanese life, all art, all...

Rock garden at RyoanjiTemple in Kyoto.... So zen.

  "I will whisper a secret to you: Don't be fooled by our smiles and gentleness, our ceremonial and our bowing and sweetnesses and attentions.  Beneath them all we can be a million ri away, safe and alone.  For that's what we seek - oblivion..."

A quote from Mariko provides another view into the mentality of the Japanese people:

"Love is a Christian word, Anjin-san.  Love is a Christian thought, a Christian ideal.  We have no word for 'love' as I understand you to mean it.  Duty, loyalty, honor, respect, desire, those words and thoughts are what we have have, all that we need."

Karma
As an island nation, Japan has suffered and continues to suffer through many natural disasters from earthquakes to tidal waves to tsunamis.  These non-preventable, unpredictable and catastrophic events also factor into the mentality of the island nation.

   "...I seem to understand now what you mean nand Lord Toranga meant about karma and the stupidity of worrying about what is.  A lot seems clearer. I don't know why - perhaps it's because I've never been so terrified, maybe that's cleaned my head, but I seem to think clearer.

It's - well, like Old Gardener['s death].  Yes, that was all my fault and I'm truly sorry, but that was a mistake, not a deliberate choice on my part.  It is.  So nothing can be done about it.  A moment ago we were all almost dead.  So all that worry and heartache was a waste, wasn't it?  Karma.  Yes, I know karma now.  Do you understand?"

   "Yes." She translated to Toranga.

   "He says, 'Good, Anjin-san.  Karma is the beginning of knowledge. Next is patience.  Patience is very important.  The strong are the patient ones, Anjin-san. Patience means holding back your inclination to the seven emotions: hate, adoration, joy, anxiety, anger, grief, fear.  If you don't give way to the seven, you're patient, then you'll soon understand all manner of things and be in harmony with Eternity."

Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner, 2010

Author of #1 New York Time Bestselling books such as In Her Shoes, Jennifer Weiner's novels seem to revolve around female characters who are undergoing moments of crisis.

Fly Away Home is no different.  Crises involved in this story are triggered by a scandal created by a philandering politician. 

His dedicated wife is left stunned.  In the meantime, her daughters are also going through crises of their own. 

It ends up that the "perfect" daughter is not leading as perfect a life as thought and the black sheep daughter continues to struggle to be understood by her family. 

With somewhat generic characters and story lines, the book reads quickly and is a good beach read. 

Predictable to the end, which emphasizes that it's never too late (or easy, as the way these things happen in novels and movies) to make changes, there is not much else of note about this book.

After Dark by Haruki Murakami, 2007

In preparation for my pending trip to Japan, I wanted to read something by a Japanese author, and one of the most well-known is Haruki Murakami.

After Dark's pages are filled with his short, lyrical prose about intersecting vignettes surrounding a girl's desire to escape for the night and spend it in Tokyo.

The novel begins a few minutes before midnight with Mari Asai reading at a Denny's in Tokyo.

An acquaintance recognizes her and kicks off her night of unexpected events that include a love hotel where rooms are typically rented by the hour, Chinese gangs, troubled women, a company man who works late into the night to avoid seeing his family, and a sister trapped in sleep (and a TV).

Each character seems to be running away and hiding from something, which makes the late night and early morning a fitting backdrop.

The majority of the stories are filled with meaningful human interactions and insight into people's loneliness, fears and search for sometimes something as simple as safely. 

Across the street from our hotel in Ginza.

As these human emotions unfold, there is a parallel surrealist story surrounding Mari's sister, who Murakami always refers to by her full name: Eri Asai.

Adding to the surreal element is the narrator perspectives that are outside the bounds of the standard first, second or third perspectives.

A trademark Murakami talent, he is able to combine fantastical elements into a very real, human story without any disconnect while the reader moves from one element to the other.

When in Japan, there happened to be a Denny's across the street from our hotel in Ginza.  Of course, having read After Dark, I had to make a pilgrimage and stop by for a lovely American-style breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast and coffee.

I Have Nothing to Wear! by Jill Martin and Dana Ravich

The fitting subtitle for this book is: A Painless 12-Step Program to Declutter Your Life So You Never Have to Say This Again!

Wearing something that is not your style results in an identify disconnect, not being comfortable in your own skin by virtue of what you are wearing.

This book is an instruction manual that every women should read to learn the basics of style and building a wardrobe that will make you feel great about yourself.

Jill Martin and Dana Ravich break down something as complex as personal style into a handful of steps that will impact your approach to your wardrobe.

Filled with graphics and white space, I Have Nothing to Wear! makes for a quick, easy read for any woman who finds herself muttering these words as she looks at her closet full of clothes.

Style
There are six basic styles.  I always thought of myself as preppy and classic.  Not a fashionista since I tend to avoid trends. 

The six basic styles are:
 1. classic girl - structured basics that will stand the test of time
 2. bohemian girl - soft and flowing, neutral colors such as white, denim, metallic, and tan/brown
 3. preppy girl - structured basics, but more casual and louder
 4. fashionista - latest trends that work for her body
 5. surfer chick - comfortable casual pieces with minimal jewelry, bright colors
 6. soccer mom - functional,  comfortable clothes, solids and dark colors

Fashionista Audrey Hepburn.
A fashionista "will always be chic, and she
will almost always be dressed in black."

While reading I Have Nothing to Wear!, I realized that I really did not know my own style. 

I am a fashionista mixed, oddly enough, with a soccer mom (even though I do not have kids...), with a bit of a classic girl.

This explains why I have always sworn by comfortable clothes and shoes, but have always been drawn to heels and slinky black tops, yet avoided them since I thought I was just trying to be trendy.

Before recognizing my true style, I created wardrobe confusion by trying to dress in something that I thought I was (i.e. preppy) or that looked good on other people.  

Knowing my true style, I know now that if I wear a piece outside of my core style (i.e. a bohemian peasant top), that I need to pair it with something that is part of my core style (i.e. a great fitting, comfortable pair of jeans) so that I will feel like my true self, versus trying to be someone else.

And for those high heels that used to sit in the back of my closet, I wear them almost every day now.

Catharsis: Don't Settle, Be a 10
Once you have reached style awareness, you need to go through your closet to ensure that every piece is a 10 to start the declutter process.

A 10 is something that meets the following criteria:
 * Flatters your figure
 * Shows your personality
 * Is in keeping with your style
 * Is in perfect condition
 * Feels comfortable on your skin

A 10 makes you feel great and confident, and gives you a little swagger.  Something that you would not mind being seen in if you ran into an ex or an ex's sister.

Rounds: Change is a Slow Process
Now it is time to make sure your closet is filled with 10s.  If your closet is filled with 10s, you will end up wearing 10s and therefore, feeling great about yourself.

Like anything else, change is a slow process that needs to be gradually incorproated before it becomes permanent.  As you go through your closet - and do this in phases to make things manageable - categorize each item into: Keep, Maybe or Toss.

For Maybes, remove them from your closet and keep them on a chair or table, so that it becomes a waiting area for when you have more time to try on the item to determine if it is a Keep or Toss item.

If an item ends up in Maybe every other week, remember that you should not settle and if you are not sure whether an item is a 10, it means that it is not a 10.  This same advice applies to men as well as clothes...

Other Basics That No One Ever Taught Us
The book also provides excellent tips on organizing a closet that goes beyond keeping items folded and hung, and introduces practical concepts to help visualize your outfits when deciding what to wear.

It also lists the ten basic items (dark denim jeans, black blazer, little black dress, black skirt, white button-down, black pumps, metallic strappy sandals, black midsize purse, metallic clutch, and wrap) that serve as the foundation of your closet, as well as how the items can be pieced together for work, play and fun. 

My Take Away
It is hard not to suffer from style confusion when shopping with friends or seeing a great outfit on someone else, but if you know your style and stick to your style, the confusion goes away.

For me, I know that my 10s tend to be from the Gap (the pants fit me well), items that complement my legs, and tops that are fitted and black, and accentuates my neck and shoulders.

Like personal finance, style is not taught in school but something people are supposed to figure out on their own.  Yet, both topics are important and things everyone woman (and man) should know.

Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman by Robert Massie, 2001

Packed with 574 pages of research, Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman is an edifying read that provided me with an education of 18th Century Russia and European politics and diplomacy that escaped me during my History and Social Sciences classes in junior high and high school.

Noted by The New York Times as one of the 100 nonfiction notable books of 2011, Catherine the Great is the epic story of one of Russia's greatest empresses.

At times, the political policy accounts made for slow reading, but the accounts of Catherine's rise to power, expansion of her empire and impact of the French revolution read like a thriller.

The Early Years
Born Sophie in Germany in 1729, she was renamed Catherine when she converted to Orthodox to marry the future Tsar of Russia, a distant cousin.

The marriage, and Catherine's life in Russia, was heavily controlled by Empress Elizabeth, Peter the Great's daughter and Russia's then ruler.  At Elizabeth's orders, Catherine's father was not invited to her wedding and her mother was sent away after the wedding.

Catherine's marriage to Peter III was an unhappy marriage.  The future Tsar was known as an imbecile, with unsophisticated and sophomoric interests and manners.

At sixteen, Catherine knew that she was a political pawn and brought to Russia to produce an heir to ensure the stability of Elizabeth's continued reign.

Accepting her destiny, Catherine learned the Russian language and customs, and became a dutiful wife under the constant, watchful eye of Elizabeth.

Portrait of Catherine the Great.

The Payoff
Catherine's patience and diligence to prove herself to the Russian court and people paid off in 1762.

After Elizabeth's death, a coup instigated by Catherine's "favorourites" and her husband's murder under the watch of trusted soldiers, Catherine was coronated the Empress of Russia in 1762.

During her reign, Catherine expanded her empire by forging strategic alliances with foreign powers, corresponded with European philosophers who thought of Russia as backwards, and amassed an impressive collection of European artwork, including works by Rembrandt.

The Biographer
Robert Massie is a Pulitzer Prize winning biographer who specializes in Russian Tsar biographies and history.

With the details and insight he provides, he conveys the nuances and complexity of Russian and world affairs during Catherine's reign.  Because of this, Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman is a highly educational and fascinating read.

29 by Adena Halpern, 2010

This is a charming, witty story about a 75-year-old grandmother, Ellie, who receives her birthday wish to be 29, the same age as her granddaughter.

The story unfolds from the view point of three women - Ellie, Ellie's daughter and Ellie's close friend, Frida.

The reason the story works is because Halpern captures Ellie's and Frida's septuagenarian musings and gripes perfectly.

Ellie and Frida are frustrated that their bodies no longer respond as they used to where they tire after walking a block, and that people consciously and unconsciously treat them as "old".  

The third voice is that of Ellie's daughter, Barbara, who has always been on the heavier side and similar to the other two characters, has been trapped by limitations of her body as well as what others project onto her.

Ultimately, regardless of age (or body weight), people want to feel appreciated, challenged and loved.

As Ellie lives out her magical day, she realizes that her imagined regrets are unfounded, the life she builds yourself each day matters, and she needs to live life without looking back.

The other two characters also come to this realization as they imagine life without the "missing" Ellie.

I tend to jot down quotes that I like.  Some quotes from 29:
* Always have confidence.  It gets you everywhere.
* Barbara, whatever has been bugging you your whole life, get over it!
* It's a lesson I've learned - enjoy the things you have.

The Fixer Upper by Mary Kay Andrews, 2009

I started reading this before my vacation with the intent of finishing it on the beach.  The story is a light-weight, enjoyable story that refreshingly spends more time on the heroine piecing her life back together after a Washington scandal than her falling in love.

Of course, there is a love story.  Andrews's novels, however, contain more action, characters and plot twists than typical chick lit novels where action tends to culminate in a lowly assistant in the PR or fashion or magazine industry running in Jimmy Choos.

The majority of the story takes place in a small town in Georgia.

Similar to Andrews's Summer Rental, which I read last year, The Fixer Upper at 419 pages in hardcover is a (Southern) charming story that will keep you occupied while on the beach or on the plane ride back from the beach.

A nice surprise is the three recipes at the end of the book, each representing a female character.  One of the recipes is for egg salad, which I have always enjoyed, but never made.

Inspired by finding the recipe at the end of the book, I plan to tackle my first egg salad sandwich sometime in the next few weeks.  If this is not living smarter, living harder, then I don't know what is...!

Dempsey's Egg Salad
Serving: Four generous sandwiches

   8 eggs, hard cooked
   1/4 cup finely chopped celery
   1/2 cup mayonnaise (preferably Duke's)
   1/4 cup sweet pickle relish
   1 tsp yellow mustard
   Salt, pepper, celery salt

   Peel and roughly chop hard-cooked eggs.  Toss in celery.  Fold in mayonnaise, relish, and mustard.  Season to taste with salt, pepper and celery salt.
   For sandwiches, use multigrain bread; add lettuce and red pepper rings.

4/6/12 Update - I made this last night and do not like the taste from the sweet pickle relish.  It's a good thing that I halved the recipe on my first try.  I plan to try another egg salad recipe until I find one that works for me.

Live Smarter, Live Harder

I am back from my vacation and read the three beach vacation reads that I had bought with me.  They were all great beach (as well as plane) reads - the books went by quickly and maintained a positive message.

In addition to my beach reads, I also read Glamour Magazine, which profiled e a successful woman DJ who lost her parents and raised her younger sibling.

Antigua...

She keeps three quotes by her desk, one of which is: Work smarter, not harder.

While reading this, I modified this mantra to fit my state of mind at the time:

Live Smarter, Live Harder

This is a reminder for me:

1) To enjoy life even if it does not go as planned (message from The Fixer Upper by Mary Kay Andrews)

2) Be confident (Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey and Denene Milner) 

3) Enjoy my youth (29 by Adena Halpern)


The two other quotes that the DJ maintains by her desk are:
* Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
* Everything is easy if you know what you're doing.

Beach Vacation Reads

I am heading to Antigua, part of the Leeward Islands in the Carribean, in a few days.  Antigua means "ancient" in Spanish and was christened by Christopher Columbus.

I have been feeling antigua of late, so am more than ready to rejuvenate with soft sand, soothing weather and gorgeous waters!

That said, I plan to spend the majority of my six-day vacation on the beach.

I am packing three books for my trip:

1. The Fixer Upper by Mary Kay Andrews.  I read my first Andrews book, Summer Rental, last year and enjoyed it.

Her novels are in the chick-lit genre with a bit more suspense and plots outside of the (surprise, surprise) love story at the center of the novel. 

Also, the protagonist starts off in Washington, DC, which I have an affinity for having lived there for a decade.

2. Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment by Steve Harvey and Denene Milner.

While sick at home recovering from the nasty Norovirus stomach bug, I was watching the Ellen show and Harvey was a guest.

He was promoting this book, which is being made into a movie, and was hilarious!  I hope to get a few laughs, and with such a long subtitle, figure that I will also get some self-help takeaways about relationships.

Cool cover, right?

3. 29 by Adena Halpern.  I randomly picked this book up from the library because I liked the cover.

The plot is a Freaky Friday type of situation where a grandmother switches places with her granddaughter.

The book seems like it will provide a perspective on youth, and perhaps I will take the carpe diem
message that will surely be in the book to heart.

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese, 2009

Abraham Verghese is a physician who is a chair and professor at Standford University Medical School and a writer who completed the Masters Program at the prestigious Iowa Writers' Workshop.

Possessing such a high caliber of intellect and talent at two such different fields is astoundingly impressive and the results is an amazing novel that will transport the reader to many different worlds.

While reading Cutting for Stone, I felt like I was transported to Ethiopia and the world of medicine despite the fact that I have never been to Ethiopia or studied medicine.

Verghese is able to fluidly weave highly clinical terms and Ethiopian culture into this story of twin sons growing up in Ethiopia to physician parents working at one of the few hospitals in the capital of Addis Ababa.

The novel is so well written and revolves around universal themes such as love and family, that it was easy to imagine the characters, locale and the events that unfolded without cumbersome paragraphs of explanation.

I teared up and could not put the book down during many sections of the book, especially at the end.

Photo of an Addis Ababa hospital, 2012.
I can imagine the story unfolding here...

Wanting
 A powerful theme running throughout the novel is the theme of wanting - either chasing or running away from what you want.

In Africa, there is a common childhood tale about a miserly Baghdad merchant named Abu Kassem.  Kassem possesses a pair of slippers that he wears down to the seems.

He is finally ready to part with his slippers, but when he tries to dispose of them, it always end in misfortune.

For example, he throws his slippers out of his window and they hit a pregnant woman who ends up miscarrying.

(Apparently, Africans don't mess around when it comes to bad things...) 

Commenting on the story, the central father-figure character Ghosh says:

"The key to your happiness is to own your slippers, own who you are, own how you look, own your family,  own the talents you have, and own the ones you don't.  If you keep saying your slippers aren't yours, then you'll die searching, you'll die bitter, always feeling you were promised more.  Not only our actions, but also our omissions, become our destiny."

Other Quotes
While reading Cutting for Stone, I jotted down a few other quotes and passages that resonated.

"Wasn't that the definition of home?  Not where you are from, but where you are wanted?"

"So often we never truly see our own family and it is for others to tell us that they've grown taller or older?"

"It was often the second mistake that came in the haste to correct the first mistake that did the patient in."

"It is an axiom of motorcycling that you must always look in the direction you want to go and never at what you are trying to avoid."

"At school, I knew girls who were neither ugly nor beautiful but who saw themselves one way or the other, and that convectoin made it come true."

"Call me old-fashioned," Deepak said, "but I've always believed that hard work pays off.  Do the right thing, put up with unfairness, selfishness, stay true to yourself...one day it all works out."

The Girl Who Fell From The Sky by Heidi W. Durrow, 2010

Elevator Pitch Summary: Narrated by both adolescent and adult characters, this book is an insightful story of a mulatto girl who not only has to deal with the inherent racism in the United States, but also the mysterious death of her family.

This is a quick read with a suspenseful storyline surrounding the protagonist Rachel's family's death.

Read this if you're in the mood for: A good, page-turning book that highlights some unpleasant things about how kids and adults treat and perceive race in the United States.

Black or White
The daughter of an African American military man and Danish woman, Rachel grows up in Europe before her mother Nella leaves her father for another man and uproots her family to Chicago.

The story begins with Rachel moving to Portland to live with her grandmother and aunt.  Each chapter is voiced by a different character so parallel story lines run concurrently.

While starting their new lives in the United States, Rachel and her mother soon realize that in the US, race not only defines a person, but also is a critical part of one's identity.

As a result, Rachel and her siblings are not seen as individuals with distinct personalities.  Instead, they are perceived as oddities who need to be classified as either black or white.

With its different voices, the novel effectively tells of the struggles that Rachel must deal with concerning race at school, and the struggles her mother Nella must deal with in the adult world, which sadly, is not much more forgiving or understanding than the elementary, junior high and high school worlds that Rachel inhabits. 

Falling From The Sky
An underlying storyline that drives the novel is the mystery surrounding the tragedy of Rachel's family's death, which is how Rachel ends up in Portland with her grandmother and aunt.

Two endearing characters stem from this storyline and provide a fuller view of Nella's struggles and love for her children.

Bellwether Prize
The Girl Who Fell From The Sky was awarded the Bellwether Prize for Fiction, which is a prize established (and funded) in 2000 by Barbara Kingsolver to recognize fiction that addresses social justice issues.

I have not read anything by Kingsolver, but know friends who have and highly recommend her books.

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahnman, 2011

Elevator Pitch Summary: Written by a Noble Prize winner, this book provides an excellent, easy to understand overview on psychology.  Daniel Kahneman is a renown researcher on decision making who has the ability to break down complex theories and ideas into concepts for people without a background in psychology (like me).

Read this if you're in the mood for: Thinking.  And, spending time with a substantive book.  At 512 pages, the book is packed with research summaries, as well as exercises for the readers that are astoundingly accurate in terms of predicting and understanding the thought process. 

The book is broken out into short chapters with summary statements written in simple, generic terms that effectively convey concepts to the reader.  This makes the conveyance of so much knowledge manageable. 

System 1 and System 2
Kahnman uses generic descriptors System 1 and System 2 to describe judgment and decision making.  System 1 does the "fast" thinking - perusing, collecting information rapidly and making quick assumptions. 

For example, when entering a crowded room, System 1 scans the room and makes the assessment of what to do next.  Due to its fast thinking, System 1 tends to make inaccurate and stereotypical assumptions as it looks for shortcuts to process information.

System 2 does the "slow" thinking and is the logical partner that corrects inaccuracies from System 1.  Studies have shown that furrowing eyebrows represents System 2 at work.

Both these systems exist within everyone, so the key is the balance of these two systems.  "...many people are overconfident, prone to place too much faith in their intuitions," Kahnman writes.  "They apparently find cognitive effort at least mildly unpleasant and avoid it as much as possible."

This statement resonates with me; yet so does the following: "Too much concern about how well one is doing in a task sometimes disrupts performance by loading short-term memory with pointless anxious thoughts."
 

Great - this means that I tend to be extreme in my utilization of slow, System 2 thinking.  Either my System 2 is too lazy and allows my System 1 to run the show, or my System 2 kicks into overdrive and shuts down my System 1.  Now that I am aware of my behavior, I realize that I need to work on achieving a balance.

Other Psychological Concepts
The following excerpts from the book resonated with me:

"A reliable way to make people believe in falsehoods is frequent repetition, because familiarity is not easily distinguished from truth."

"Mood evidently affects the operation of System 1: When we are uncomfortable and unhappy, we lose touch with our intuition."

"The measure of success for System 1 is the coherence of the story it manages to create.  The amount and quality of the data on which the story is based are largely irrelevant.  When information is scarce, which is a common occurrence, System 1 operations as a machine for jumping to conclusions."

"The combination of a coherence-seeking System 1 with a lazy System 2 implies that System 2 will endorse many intuitive beliefs..."

Norovirus Interruption
While reading Thinking, Fast and Slow, I caught the norovirus that took out three co-workers and me in one day.  I have since recovered, but the book is due back at the library and with a 400+ waiting list, not something that I can renew.

That said, I did not finish this book, but would like to so plan to return the book and request it again. 

Go Put Your Strengths to Work by Marcus Buckingham, 2007

Elevator Pitch Summary: This book provides an idealist way to think about your job.  Often, there is an emphasis on improving weaknesses in the workplace, but Buckingham argues that strengths make people unique and that allowing people to utilize their strengths in the workplace will not only ensure maximum contribution, but also ensure happy employees.

Read this if you're in the mood for: Thinking about your career, whether you're exploring different opportunities or wondering about that elusive "perfect job".  Even if you are content with your current position, it is always beneficial to look at things from another point of view.

Ultimately, this book may frustrate you as you realize that only in an ideal world with an ideal job with an idea manager with an ideal alignment of the planets (you get the point...this is a consultant speaking after all), will you have the opportunity to fully utilize your strengths.

Staying true to the subtitle of the book, which is Six Powerful Steps to Achieving Outstanding Performance, this book reads like a six week training course where each chapter represents a week of assignments since just reading a book (or, blogging about it) will not change your situation - only focused execution will do so.

This makes the "course" more manageable and provides you more time to really consider your true strengths and how often these strengths are being utilized.

Refreshingly, The Point Is Not To Change
Unlike other books providing advice, Go Put Your Strengths to Work does not try to change you.  Rather, the book acknowledges that as you grow, you become more of who you already are and attempting to change this is not a productive use of energy or effort.

Similar to Betheny Frankel's distaste of the word "should" since it represents "Normal" noise, Buckingham states that "[s]hould-ing is a by-product of our cultural obsession with being well rounded and the prevailing corporate demand that we capitalize on our so-called areas of opportunity."

Instead, we should focus on recognizing our strengths and weaknesses, taking ownership to communicate these strengths and weaknesses, and creating a plan to maximize strengths and downplay weaknesses.

And, if you tend to be aware of others who are stronger at your strengths like I am, "...what of it?" Buckingham asks.  "You can't control how good someone else is, and you can't control what anyone else thinks of you."  So, get over it.

Know Thyself
The secret to a better you, whether personally or professionally, is that you have to work at it.  Self-awareness is only part of the equation - most people have a general idea of their strengths and weaknesses, but serious thought is needed to precisely identify true strengths and weaknesses. 

Buckingham provides good instructions on getting at these truths with the three C's - capture, clarify and confirm.  Following his instructions, which accounted for one week of the six week program, I was able to identify and detail my core strengths.

(And, I am sure I would have been able to do the same for my weaknesses if I had stuck to the program...  Not surprisingly, one of my weaknesses is impatience for results.)

The exercises are quite eye-opening.  Like everything else, true strengths and weaknesses are determined based on how they make you feel.  For example, you may be highly skilled at balancing accounting statements, but if it does not make you feel empowered or excited, what's the point?

Merely being good at something is not good enough when it comes to fulfillment.  Buckingham defines true strengths as things that make you feel strong, powerful, passionate, enthusiastic, and confident.  These are a lot of feelings to ask for and that's why you really need to consider what your true strengths are.

Likewise for weaknesses, weaknesses are not just things that you are not good at, but things that makes you feel weak, frustrated, drained, and despondent. 

It's Always About Communication
After the thoughtful part of knowing thyself and working through your feelings, comes the universal challenge of communication.

"To reach outstanding levels of performance, you must stop tiptoeing.  You must learn how to express - using unambiguous words and examples - what strengthens you and what weakens you."  You must be able to communicate strengths without bragging and weaknesses without whining.

The art of expressing oneself using "unambiguous words and examples" is actually a useful art that should be applied to every aspect of your life.

According to Buckingham, "[s]o if you find yourself thinking "My manager just doesn't understand me," the best advice is to get over it.  She'll never truly understand you.

The burden falls on you to understand yourself in as much detail as possible, so that you can then go to her and describe vividly which activities and situations will draw the best out of you, and which won't."

Similar to when you find yourself upset that your boyfriend or family do not understand you, you need to realize that it is your job to understand yourself and be able to communicate and provide instructions for how others are to understand you.

Strengths and Weaknesses Tools
Tools to discovery your strengths and weaknesses include simple observation exercises and sets of interview questions with clever titles such as: FREE (Focus, Release, Educate, Expand) and STOP (Stop, Team Up, Offer Up, Perceive).

These interview questions are designed to guide you in determining solutions to FREE up your time to spend on your strengths and STOP spinning your wheels on tasks that weaken you.

Part of change includes reviewing the initial impetus for change every few months and recalibrating if necessary.  Buckingham provides a measurement tool so that you can track and measure progress as you work on putting your strengths to work, but a unique code is required to access the tool online.

Unfortunately, one of the weaknesses of a library book is that the unique code will most likely be used up by the time the book reaches you.

For those who do not possess a lot of work experience or are in a midst of a career change and trying to determine what their strengths are, there is an online strengths assessment test that is part of the book.  If you are reading a library book like I did, a unique, one-time use access code is required and can be purchased here - http://www.strengthstest.com/strengths-tests/strengthsfinder-20-access-code.html.

One of many of Peter Drucker's works.

The Strengths Movement
This book builds upon Peter Drucker's 1966 The Effective Executive, which describes an effective executive as someone who builds on strengths - one's own strengths as well as the strengths of superiors, colleagues, subordinate.

The premise of the movement is that a person or organization will excel only by amplifying strengths and not by fixing weaknesses. 

Yet, people and corporation focus on improving weaknesses at least once a year during performance reviews.

This will prove to be a fruitless effort as underlying personalities do not change so if something weakens you and you just don't like doing it, you may get better at it, but you will not excel at it.

Another interesting way to view strengths and weaknesses is to look at the relationship between success and failure.  Success and failure are not opposites so looking at failures for lessons learned will not help to achieve success.  You need to study success to learn about success.

Similarly, looking at and improving weaknesses will not lead to increasing your strengths.

Not So Good As A Library Book
As mentioned earlier, this book does not work that well as a library book since the self-assessment test that is part of this book require a unique code to access.  As part of the TMBC empire though, you can purchase an access code. 

(Buckingham knows how to make a buck.  He has founded The Marcus Buckingham Company that offers consulting, tests, etc. services.  Even his book has messages throughout that point you to his online services, the majority of which require an access fee.  It's a bit of a hard sell, which I found off-putting.)

However, if you have enough work experience and self-awareness to have a good idea of what your strengths are, you do not need the online assessment test.

The Consulting Go-Getting Buckinghams: Marcus and Jane

Marcus and Jane Buckingham are gurus at dispensing advice on how to improve your life.  They are both master consultants and happened to be married to each other.  Somehow, I don't imagine that they spend a lot of time slothing away on the couch...

Marcus Buckingham.

You may not have heard of Marcus Buckingham, but you have seen his books. His first New York Times best seller was First, Break All the Rules in 1999, which he subsequently followed up with titles such as Now, Discover Your Strengths and Go Put Your Strengths to Work, which I am currently reading.

Building on his successful books, speaker engagements and consulting efforts, he started The Marcus Buckingham Company where he focuses on the maxim that "rules must be broken and discarded because they stifle the originality and uniqueness — the strengths — that can enable all of us to achieve our highest performance." 

A Brit, Marcus graduated from Cambridge University and started his career doing research for employers about improving employee performance. He has limited practical experience in the corporate environment that he consults about, and builds support for his message by conducting interviews and research.  Like I said, master consultant.

Jane Buckingham.

Jane Buckingham also consults.  Her specialty is generational attitudes, and companies pay her to tell them how they should market to different generations. 

She was a host of The Modern Girl's Guide to Life TV show on the Style Network and parlayed her modern girlness into three books: The Modern Girls Guide to Life, The Modern Girls Guide to Motherhood and The Modern Girls Guide to Sticky Situations.

Jane's first book was Teens Speak Out, which she wrote when she was 16.  So Marcus may have beaten her to the best seller list, but she beat him to getting published.

As part of any respectable couple replete with matching companies, Jane founded Trendera, a consumer insight, trend forecasting and multimedia consulting company. 

She is also a contributing editor to Cosmopolitan magazine and the The Huffington Post, and does appearances on Good Morning America and The View where she covers general subjects such as gift-giving and trends.  Like I said (again), master consultant.

The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes, 2011 (recommend)

Elevator Pitch Summary: This is a powerful story of a man in his youth and later years packed into 163 pages.  The story is elegantly told, unfolds at a good pace and has an interesting twist at the end. A Booker Prize winner, I recommend this book.

Read this if you're in the mood for: A well written book that will make you think about your life and actions, and whether you're average as the protagonist concludes himself to be. A book that will increase your vocabulary.  (Books by English authors tend to do that.) 

A core theme of the book is time as it lays out the life of a man.  It notes how deceptive and misleading time can be, putting into perspective one's memories and past.

The novel begins with the protagonist, Tony Webster, as a teenage and the circle of friends that he falls into.  These chapters are funny and contain insightful observations about youth that Barnes is so good at identifying and capturing.

For example, a young Webster observes that "[o]n our behalf they [parents] dreaded the closeness of adolescent friendship, the predatory behavior of strangers on trains, the lure of the wrong kind of girl.  How far their anxieties outran our experience."

The boys go off to university and Tony gets a girlfriend, who becomes a central character in the book.

He remains in touch with his childhood friends, but he and his mates end up taking different paths in life and losing touch until he hears the sad news that one of his friends has taken his own life.

Fast forward forty years or so, and Webster is a divorced father who receives news that brings back memories from the past and the mysterious circumstances surrounding his friend's suicide.

He begins reminiscing about the past, and out of loneliness or curiosity or something else or both, he is drawn to reconnecting with his past and uncovering the mystery around his friend's suicide decades ago.

Digging into the past and uncovering the truth is where the twist comes in and the protagonist realizes the impact of his actions over the course of the years.

What I Know Now About Success: Letters from Extraordinary Women to Their Younger Selves by Ellyn Spragins, 2011 (perused)

The book came to my attention because I read somewhere (ok, People Mag) that Taylor Swift was reading it.  Given the title, it seemed like it had a lot of promise, especially since I was in a here's-to-a-better-me! state of mind at the end of 2011.

The concept is excellent.  Successful women pen letters to their younger selves and share wisdom that they have gleaned over the years. 

Unfortunately, the title is the most inspiring part of the book.

The letters are brief, and lack substance or any real profound insight.  Part of the problem is that the letters are addressed to a younger self regarding specific situations, which limited the scope of the letters.

Before each letter, there is a short bio of the extraordinary women, which I found to be more interesting than the letters themselves. 

That said, I definitely perused this book.  The quotes that I did jot down (surprise, surprise) echo messages of finding your passions and being true to yourself: 

"You cannot come into your power until you live a life that is 100 percent authentic." 

- Suzy Orman, Personal Finance Author

"True success means accepting yourself as you are." 

- Suzanne Somers, (Former? - I have not seen her in anything in a long while) Actress

"Success is being coherent with who you are." 

- Diane Von Furstenbuerg, Fashion Designer

*********************

Kate Spade - What style!

On a random not, I love designer Kate Spade's outfit in the photo that is used in the book.  I love the sweater and blouse - her style is impeccable.  It's classic that is done so perfectly, that it's modern.

And, to share knowledge gleaned from my gossip mags reading, David Spade is her brother-in-law.  A fact that she did not mention in her letter, so I thought I would share.