End of Summer Non-Fiction

The Girl Who Smiled Beads: A Story of War and What Comes After by Clemantine Wamariya & Elizabeth Weil, 2018

Heart breaking story of a six year old girl who is separated from her family during the violence in Rwanda.

She escapes with her sister Claire and ends up in a refugee camp, where the sisters struggle to stay clean and prevent bugs from burrowing in his feet.

A refugee camp worker falls in love with Claire, marries her and takes her & Clemantine away from the camp to live with his family in Zaire.  Clemantine can be a girl again.

Unfortunately, violence overtakes Zaire and Clemantine & Claire are on the move again.  Claire's husband Rob loses his job and soon, takes out the hopelessness of his life on Claire and beats her.

Eventually, Clemantine, Claire's children & Rob emigrate to the States, where they start a new life.

Clemantine is 'sponsored' by a wealthy family in the suburbs who she lives with during the week while she attends school.

She needs to balance the wealth and frivolity of her new family and classmates with the depravity of her old life and what is happening in her homeland

The story is told back & forth between her new life in the States & her journey throughout seven African countries trying to find peace.  The alternating stories felt disconnected and took away from both journeys.

Doing Time Like A Spy: How the CIA Taught Me to Survive and Thrive in Prison by John Kiriakou, 2017

Arrested for acknowledging that torture was used on al Qaeda prisoners, Kiriakou was sentenced to 30 months in a work camp & ended up in a low security prison.

The stories of prison seem to make up story lines in Orange is the New Black Netflix show.

Converting to Judiasm for the better meals.  COs (Correction Officers) on power trips, losers who become bullies.

Prisoners segregated by race.  TV room being a battle ground.

New things mentioned was the prevalence of pedophiles and how they are at the bottom of the chain & shunned by other prisoners.

The most interesting stories have to do with the prisoners and relationships he makes.

Including how one of the inmates whom he trusted & considered a friend proving to be the opposite.  Proving no matter how wary or an expert on people one is, people are always vulnerable.

The 'Letter from Loretto' blogs he wrote are also part of the book.  I found the pre-written Letters broke the flow a bit & enjoyed Kiraikou's account of prison life v the blogs he wrote that served as an ends to a mean (e.g. urging readers to write in regarding prison staff behavior).

August

Molly's Game by Molly Bloom, 2014 -  Fascinating account of the 'Poker Madam' who was the ultimate project manager and serviced an elite crowd of Hollywood stars & financial millionaires. 

The amount of money at the top 1% and the struggle to keep these powerful men happy makes for a fascinating tale.

Saw the movie on my flight to India and had to read the book, which did not disappoint.









Losing the Signal: The Untold Story Behind the Extraordinary Rise and Spectacular Fall of Blackberry by Jackie McNish & Sean Silcoff, 2015

I admit, I was addicted to the Crackberry.

A Canadian company run by Mike Lazaridis & Tom Basillie, RIM produced a product that revolutionized the world.  They reached billions in sales.  They introduced instant messaging for the phone.

They were scrappy and smart.  It all ended when the iPhone came out in 2007 & RIM could not innovate and compete. 

The company became too large and with Lazaridis & Basillie as co-CEOs, they were not able to execute on strategy that would have let them remain relevant.

Lucky Boy by Shanthi Sekaram, 2016

Protagonists not common in the literary world - an undocumented worker who makes the treacherous trek to the United States & an Indian-American couple in Berkeley.

Soli makes the danger journey to the United States from Mexico and finds her cousin Silvia. 

When she first gets out of the truck that smuggles her to the States, she sees signs in Spanish and faces like hers and think she is duped before realizing she is indeed in the States.

Silvia takes her in and gets her a job as a cleaner for the Cassidys.  She gets a social security number. 

She is treated well and her employers are understanding when they find out she is expecting. 

She even starts to take her relatively comfortable life for granted.

Kavya & Rishi are an Indian American couple who met in college and now married. 

They have made a comfortable existence for themselves that soon becomes unbalanced when they try to have a child and are not able to conceive.

Soli's comfortable existence is disrupted when she becomes careless and loses track of Saoirse, the Cassidy's daughter.  Silvia comes to help her and they get in a car accident, resulting in an arrest where they are both discovered as illegal immigrants.

Soli is separated from her son Ignacio and sent to jail where she is treated like an animal.  Kavya & Rishi end up adopting Ignacio, or Iggy as they call him.  When Soli wants her son back, it is impossible to decide what the 'right' choice is now that we know these people's stories. 

Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman, 2012

This book was truly transformative, revolutionary.  It changed how I parent my toddler.

My tone and attitude are so much firmer, my expectations of my toddler being well-behaved so much higher.

An American writer living in Paris notices that her child does not sit patiently or quietly for meals while the French children around her are well behaved.

She did some research and found that:

* The Pause - When their babies cry, French parents observe their baby before picking them up. 

Is the baby really upset?  Or just making noise? 

Druckerman calls this the "Pause" - in essence, French parents are starting to sleep train their babies from the beginning.

Babies not sleeping through the night by 3 months is an oddity in Paris, while American parents accept the sleepless nights for months to over a year...! 

One of Druckerman's French friend wonders how parents can survive months/a year of not getting a full night's sleep.  The answer - barely, yet American parents do this.

* Eating - French parents are consistent about meals and only allow one snack.  They insist that their toddlers try food & do not expect them to like every initial taste.  Their philosophy is that the child will get used to the food eventually and come to like it.

They believe in courses - appetizers should be vegetables (when the child is most hungry), then a main course & dessert, mainly fruit, and will allow their children chocolate.

I've taken this attitude with my toddler, and insist that she take a bite and try everything.  (Well, insisting and bribing with dessert...)  It is ok if she does not like it or even spits it out.  Previously, I would resort to chocolate as dessert but found that even offering fruit as a dessert is enough  to incent my toddler to try new foods.

* Patience - French parents do not give their babies attention around the clock.  If a toddler interrupts or wants something right away, French parents will let the toddler know to wait and to be patient.

American parents let their children interrupt and I definitely responded to my daughter immediately with any requests she had.  Now, I purposely take my time and let her know that I am finishing this or that, and then will turn to her for attention.

Biggest surprise was how easily my daughter accepted the nuanced way I treated her.

* Saying No - French parents are not afraid to say no to their children.  They believe frustration is a good thing for kids so they learn to cope. They say a firm no & believe in it, none of the half-hearted no's American parents can give.

* Narrated Play - French parents do not follow their kids around the play ground, narrating everything their child is doing...something I was guilty of doing until I read about it in this book...  Initially, narrating everything is important so babies hear words, but after a certain age, kids should be able to just play and think, or just play...without a running commentary.

* Trust - Trusting your child to do things, empowers them.  Makes them 'sage' and grow into their own person.

Druckerman noted that perhaps the French are too strict & harsh with their children.  In school, students are bluntly told that their answers are wrong.   Not exactly instilling confidence.

Babies aside, French women are still expected to be women - to maintain their weight & appearance.  Motherhood is not something that detracts from a woman's appeal.  French women are 'watching' what they eat and allow themselves treats every now and then.

So no diets or foods that they 'can't' have or temptations to 'cheat', they just 'watch' what they are eating.  These subtle difference in attitude really are life changing.

Hit Refresh by Satya Nadella, 2017

As part of my career development plan learn more about the tech industry, Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft's Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone was a book I would have previously passed over.

The takeaways I got from the book:
* Growth Mindset - not focused on pointing fingers or assigning blame; interested in elevating everyone, one company

* Leadership principals:
     1. Bring clarity (and I would add, consistency) to those you work with
          - synthesize all the noise, synthesize the complexity
     2. Generate energy
          - not just on my teams, but across the company
     3. Find a way to deliver success
          - driving innovation, finding balance bet/ long-term success and short-term wins

Nadella is only the 3rd CEO of Microsoft, following Bill Gates & Steve Ballmer. 

With the help of a ghostwriter & assistant, the book is a bit contrived, continually emphasizing the 'Hit Refresh' on his approach to thinking about Microsoft's corporate culture and partnerships.

Having been a Microsoft employee for over a decade (& Indian American, originally from Hyderabad), his rise to CEO is impressive. 

Despite stories about his childhood & current family, I did not get a sense of his drive and how he ended up as CEO.

One of the projects Nadella spearheaded was search & advertising, what would become Bing.  I've always detested Bing & IE pushing the search engine, but Microsoft considers it a success.

Despite it only being a small percentage of search revenue, given how large the market it, Bing is actually a billion dollar business. 

Company strategy is always to be the best, but sometimes being 2nd, even a distant one, is ok too.

To complete the company manifesto feel of the book, there is also a plug about technologies Microsoft is investing in: mixed reality, quantum computing & artificial intelligence.

First, Break All The Rules by Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman, 1999

Marcus Buckingham is a well known name in management theory. 

Read this book a few years (possibly decades back), but re-read since it was recommended by a mentor I met for lunch.

Good to read the book now that I manage team of 30+ people v reading it when I was in business school aspiring to be (more of a) leader.

Full title of the book is: First, Break All the Rules: What The World's Greatest Managers Do Differently.  In essence, what great managers do differently is that they accept people for their strengths and weaknesses.

The do not try to change people drastically but figure out how to play to strengths to find projects/roles that fit strengths.

(Great managers sound like they are great at relationships too...)

Great managers do not believe everyone on their team are equals.  They advocate spending time with the best people since they have the most potential.  They do not try to 'fix' people.

They give their best people the best teams/projects to work on (instead of giving them challenging teams/projects, which would only lead to frustration). So counter-intuitive thinking. 

Great managers have awareness that one's filter is not the same as everyone else's.  Don't treat people as I would like to be treated since each person is unique and not like me.  (I know, cray-cray)

To be a great manager:
1. Select for talent; not intelligence or experience
2. Define the right outcomes & objectives, the what not the how
3. Motivate someone by focusing on strengths, not weaknesses
4. Develop someone by finding the right fit, not the next rung in the ladder

Three kinds of talents (use this to score candidates while interviewing?):
1. Striving - why a person gets out of bed
2. Thinking - how a person thinks, does things
3. Relating - whom person builds relationships with, confronts/ignores

Interviewing tips:
- interview for talent
- listen for consistent messaging/responses
- listen to initial responses, what is top of mind
- ask for examples, determine talents - past behavior is predictive of future behavior
- take notes & refer back to see what statements do or do not correlate to strong performers (like everyone thing else: document, measure & refine)

Track my own success, goals and growth and encourage my team to do the same thing.  Similar to above: document, measure & refine.

As I type up my notes from re-reading this book, have already made a few notes in regards managing my team.

Can't Help Myself: Lessons & Confessions from a Modern Advice Columnist by Meredith Goldstein, 2018

I wish I was as talented & funny a writer as Meredith Goldstein. 

A fan of her Love Letters column on boston.com & inaugural novel Singles, I was looking forward to reading Can't Help Myself. 

Even though I knew she would talk about her Mom's battle with cancer.

Hilarious memoir where Meredith talks about giving advice without judgment (something I need to learn to do) which  makes her so endearing.

She talks a lot about her commentators, and how they have become a family and even support group for her.

Honest about past relationships, her non-existent relationship with her father, her 'Rachels' friends in their 20s once her friends have started coupling off, and how she lost interest in dating while dealing with her Mom's health.

She is honest about snapping at her Mom as she goes through chemo, and wishing her Mom would get out of the hospital so she could go home.

More substantive than I though.  Goldstein is self-aware, honest & just plain comedy.