A story about a Tsoisonese-American woman who grew up in the Netherlands, this book was recommended by a co-worker after my return from a reent trip to Amsterdam.
A thriller with cliched characters, the story is told from the vantage point of the missing Sylvie Lee, her American sister Amy and their mother.
The story centers around Sylvie, who grew up with her Dutch cousin Lukas and his parents Helena and Willem.
Sylvie's grandmother was also brought into Helena and Willem's household to help raise Sylvie as Sylvie's parents in America were unable to care for her.
As meek Amy travels to the Netherlands in attempts to retrace Sylvie's last steps, she unravels the facade of Sylvie's 'perfect' life, including her childhood.
The book dragged a bit but did provide insight into Dutch culture. There is a straightforwardness to the Dutch and quirks such as keeping their curtains open as to note that they have nothing to hide.
Despite it being a liberal and welcoming county to immigrants, there is also racism with a children's song mocking the Chinese and pulling slanty eyes gestures.
Their language (and culture) though, is neither whimsical, quirky or insightful as the French, Japanese and Indian languages can be respectively.
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy, 2022
This is a switch from the reward charts (where behaviors are rewarded) to address parenting a child's actions and behaviors.
The biggest take away for me is that when a child is engaging in bad behavior (throwing a tantrum, not doing what is asked), that a parent needs to connect to the child first, and then work with the child on the desired behavior.
This take-away spills over to the high school students I now interact with at my new job. Even the kids who are disrespectful and break the rules, I remind myself that they are good inside and focus on how to connect with them.
Part of me is conflicted by the thought that sometimes a child needs to do what is being asked, regardless of whether the child wants to or if the child feels connected.
Overall though, the tips on connection are something I take to heart and have proven to be successful with my 10-year-old daughter. A particular favorite now is to hug my daughter until her Mom-o-Meter is filled to defuse potential conflict.
Another take-away is that when we think of breaking parenting dramas that have been passed down, it does not start with our children, but with ourselves. So if I want my daughter to be more self-assured in her identity, I need to be more self-assured in mine and modeling this for her.
I do remember my friends discussing this book when it first came out since it there was a lot of buzz about it. My daughter was a toddler then and behaving 'well' so not something that caught my attention.
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