My tone and attitude are so much firmer, my expectations of my toddler being well-behaved so much higher.An American writer living in Paris notices that her child does not sit patiently or quietly for meals while the French children around her are well behaved.
She did some research and found that:
* The Pause - When their babies cry, French parents observe their baby before picking them up.
Is the baby really upset? Or just making noise?
Druckerman calls this the "Pause" - in essence, French parents are starting to sleep train their babies from the beginning.
Babies not sleeping through the night by 3 months is an oddity in Paris, while American parents accept the sleepless nights for months to over a year...!
One of Druckerman's French friend wonders how parents can survive months/a year of not getting a full night's sleep. The answer - barely, yet American parents do this.
* Eating - French parents are consistent about meals and only allow one snack. They insist that their toddlers try food & do not expect them to like every initial taste. Their philosophy is that the child will get used to the food eventually and come to like it.
They believe in courses - appetizers should be vegetables (when the child is most hungry), then a main course & dessert, mainly fruit, and will allow their children chocolate.
I've taken this attitude with my toddler, and insist that she take a bite and try everything. (Well, insisting and bribing with dessert...) It is ok if she does not like it or even spits it out. Previously, I would resort to chocolate as dessert but found that even offering fruit as a dessert is enough to incent my toddler to try new foods.
* Patience - French parents do not give their babies attention around the clock. If a toddler interrupts or wants something right away, French parents will let the toddler know to wait and to be patient.
American parents let their children interrupt and I definitely responded to my daughter immediately with any requests she had. Now, I purposely take my time and let her know that I am finishing this or that, and then will turn to her for attention.
Biggest surprise was how easily my daughter accepted the nuanced way I treated her.
* Saying No - French parents are not afraid to say no to their children. They believe frustration is a good thing for kids so they learn to cope. They say a firm no & believe in it, none of the half-hearted no's American parents can give.
* Narrated Play - French parents do not follow their kids around the play ground, narrating everything their child is doing...something I was guilty of doing until I read about it in this book... Initially, narrating everything is important so babies hear words, but after a certain age, kids should be able to just play and think, or just play...without a running commentary.
* Trust - Trusting your child to do things, empowers them. Makes them 'sage' and grow into their own person.
Druckerman noted that perhaps the French are too strict & harsh with their children. In school, students are bluntly told that their answers are wrong. Not exactly instilling confidence.
Babies aside, French women are still expected to be women - to maintain their weight & appearance. Motherhood is not something that detracts from a woman's appeal. French women are 'watching' what they eat and allow themselves treats every now and then.
So no diets or foods that they 'can't' have or temptations to 'cheat', they just 'watch' what they are eating. These subtle difference in attitude really are life changing.
